As a fertility specialist, I’ve had the privilege of walking alongside countless couples on one of the most personal and emotional journeys of their lives. But no matter how long I’ve been doing this, there are some statements I hear from my patients that never get easier to digest. They break my heart—not just because of what they mean on the surface, but because of the depth of pain, fear, and loneliness behind them.
Here are five statements I hear far too often—and why they matter so much.
1. “I’m fine.”
This simple sentence hides so much.
Patients going through infertility treatment often say they’re okay, but IVF and infertility are emotionally equivalent to life-altering experiences like birth or death. Studies have shown this, and my personal experience confirms it.
Infertility isn’t just a medical diagnosis—it’s a loss, a prolonged grief, a rollercoaster of hope and heartbreak. And yet, most feel the need to stay strong and silent.
To everyone struggling: it’s okay to not be okay. Give yourself permission to feel, to grieve, to cry, and most importantly, to speak up and seek support.
2. “We can only afford one cycle.”
This is one of the most painful truths in fertility care: treatment is expensive, and often not accessible to all.
What makes this worse is the uncertainty—IVF doesn’t guarantee success in the first cycle. The emotional and financial pressure to “get it right the first time” is enormous and unfair.
Infertility has become a public health issue. One in four couples now require assistance to conceive. It is high time insurance companies and employers step in and start treating fertility care like the essential medical treatment it is.
3. “I’m ashamed I can’t get pregnant.”
This one always hits hard.
Even though male factor infertility accounts for nearly 50% of all cases, women still bear the brunt of the societal pressure, blame, and stigma.
To every woman who blames herself or feels ashamed: please don’t.
And to couples: block out the noise. Focus on your journey, your path, your family. There is no shame in needing help—and no shame in not fitting the outdated mold of what “fertility” should look like.
4. “We tried once. It failed. We don’t want to try again.”
This fear is very real and very valid. IVF failure can be devastating. But one failed cycle does not mean the end.
In my 19 years of practice, I’ve seen countless couples succeed after their second, third—or even seventh attempt.
IVF is not a single event—it’s a journey. And the only real failure is giving up before reaching your destination.
My advice: if you have the strength, try again. Miracles happen every day in fertility clinics, but only for those who keep showing up for them.
5. “We don’t want to do a donor cycle because of genetics.”
Choosing donor eggs or sperm is deeply personal, and I respect every couple’s feelings around it. But I also want to share something important:
I have conducted thousands of donor cycles. I have met these couples years later—holding their babies in their arms—and I have never once met anyone who regretted their decision.
What I have seen is joy, bonding, love, and gratitude.
If you’re unsure about genetics, know that genetic screening of donors is possible. It’s okay to ask for reassurance and clarity before making the decision.
A Final Word: You Are Not Alone
Infertility affects every part of your life—emotionally, financially, socially, and spiritually. These statements reflect real pain, but also a shared truth:
You are not alone.
Whether you’re just beginning this journey or have been walking it for years, please know: there is hope, there is support, and there is always another step forward.
Your story isn’t over. And you are stronger than you know.
Dr. Dr. Shilpi Srivastva
Fertility Specialist | IVF Advocate | Patient Ally
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